its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
birth control should be required to get into college
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
