It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
