was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
