Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I believe in your delicious
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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