Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
