It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
