Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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