don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
