I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
