I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
