I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
