I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
