You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
