tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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