I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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