I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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