i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
