Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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