is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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