Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
