i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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