Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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