god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
