How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
