the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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