Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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