Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
