How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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