the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
