im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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