Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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