Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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