I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
