Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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