so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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