dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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