its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
