My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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