Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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