I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
