I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
