i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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