I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
