Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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