Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
