his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
