apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
