Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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