Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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