i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
