i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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